Me, Myself, and I

I lay awake one night and this Title came to me. It might be bad grammar, but what the heck, I'm pretty sure that I will be the only one to read it. Now to compose something that refers to me.

Who am I? They say (who is they?) that everyone has a double in this world, but I truly believe that I am one of a kind...a very unique person. I kind of hope there would be someone just like me. I'd like to meet him. I wonder what I would think of him, and he of me.

I rather suspect that we wouldn't like each other that much. As I've grown older, I've developed some phobias--social phobia, telephone phobia, as an example. I've probably had them for most of my life but just didn't have a name for it. Really, I'm an outgoing person who just happens to feel more comfortable being a loner. I am now 78 years old, and if I ever get organized, I may get out and about once again. I really enjoyed my activities in middle life -- singing, dancing, bowling, crafts, gardening, heritage activities, genealogy, my church. Of course, there were quite a few "up's and down's" along the way. I've tried to put the bad behind me, and cherish the many memories of the good times.

I think the social phobia developed mainly because of my inability to become an "expert" at anything and not having the knowledge to express an intelligent opinion or fact on any subject. I just can't remember accurately what has happened or what I've seen or what I've been told and be able to talk about it. This refers to everything -- medical, religion, politics, farming, my naval career, family history, jokes, just everything. I know that I am not stupid, but to be able to talk about what I have learned and be able to participate in the conversation is not one of my strong points. I can't even readily tell my left from my right. So I would just as soon sit back, listen to what others have to say, keep quiet, and not broadcast my shortcomings. That's when I become very self-conscious and wish I were not even there.

The phone phobia results from much of the same reasoning. I don't really know what bothers me, but I usually don't have that much to talk about and wonder sometimes if what I do know is of any interest to the person I am talking to. I do, however, like to hear if the other person is well and what he/she has been doing.

If you did happen to stumble onto this page, and have read this far, you've probably already have concluded that I am a very boring person. EXCEPT: I like me, myself, and I, and I think many people--maybe most--probably agree to some extent with my self-evaluation but think I am too sensitive, and much too hard on myself, but like me anyhow. I guess my smile and cheerfulness and friendliness helps get me through most situations.

(To be continued)